"Beating Anxiety Part I" OR "How to tell the drug companies to SUCK IT"

I have been pretty healthy most of my life. I've been blessed with a good immune system, fairly good genetics, and a decent metabolism. So, what happened around my 40th birthday really took me by surprise.  It was around Halloween. I first noticed something out of the ordinary at my buddy's Halloween party. I was playing a werewolf out in the woods for an outdoor haunted house.

When a group of people would go by, I would jump out of the brush and chase them a few yards before returning to my hiding spot. Doing this, I began experiencing a strange sort of fatigue, and a vague shortness of breath...weird. Like most guys, I promptly blew this off.

You know what they say about middle aged men and doctors... basically if we see blood in our poop, we will poop in the dark! I have been guilty of that type of thinking in the past.  Over the next few days I started experiencing strange sensations. Tingling in my hands. Tightness in my neck. Shortness of breath. Oppresive feelings. Upset stomach and weird pains in my abdomen. Choking sensations. Something strange was going on. The shortness of breath was the most concerning.

A few days later sitting at my desk at work, it really hit me hard. I decided to do what anyone would do--go for an intense walk on my lunch hour. I figured I was stressed and a good blood pumping walk would help. It didn't. By the time I returned I was really concerned. I had a tight feeling in my chest and couldn't seem to take deep breaths. Now I began to get scared. The 'H' word swelled up in my mind. Heart Attack. I decided not to screw around with this any longer. I asked a coworker to take me to the hospital.  A coppery taste worked it's way into my mouth as the fear really started sinking in. I had a new baby! What if I need surgery? How will my wife take this? Will she be ok? Will I be ok? A millions thoughts raced through my head, none of them comforting. So off to the ER I went.

When I arrived, they heard "middle aged guy with tightness in chest and shortness of breath" and immediately got an IV in me and an EKG on my finger. The IV guy put the IV in my forearm, which was stupid, I have lots of good veins in the crook of my arm, but he sticks a big needle right thru a big muscle. I can already see my forearm turning black and blue. I laid there for a while and tried to relax. Strangely, the shortness of breath had seemed to dissipate when I arrived at the hospital, but as I laid there, it started to return. Since I was at the hospital, it didn't seem as scary. I decided to ride it out and see what happened. For a while, it got kind of intense, and I felt like I just couldn't get enough air, and my chest felt like a had a large concrete block sitting on it, but it never got unbearable. I told the nurse, she looked at my oxygen and said I seemed to be getting plenty of oxygen in my blood. Then I was off for a chest x-ray, which was all clear.

I was starting to get tired of sitting here with nothing really happening. I settled into a vague uneasy reverie. A guy came in having intense stomach pain and seemed to be drunk. They asked him a bunch of questions like how much he drank, he said a lot.  After a bit a nurse came in carrying a chart. She looked at me and said I had elevated liver enzymes in my blood. I asked what that meant. She said it was a sign I could have liver trouble or even failure in my future. She then recommended that I might want to reconsider how much alcohol I drank. I was puzzled at this, and said okay, but it shouldn't be a problem because I rarely drink alcohol. She looked at me oddly and said "what's your name?" When I told her she turned red in the face and said... "Oh... Mr. Bumgarner... I'm sorry, I was reading the wrong chart. Turns out Mr. Stomach Pain in the next bed was the one with the liver enzymes! Then I heard another nurse telling Mr. Stomach Pain that he had a major ulcer that was causing the pain.  I didn't have a lot of sympathy for the guy, but at least he was keeping me entertained!

Eventually the ER doc came around and said, "It doesn't appear there's anything really wrong with you. It is my job to make sure you are not going to die. From what I can see you appear fine and our tests found nothing. I want you to follow up with your regular doctor. I don't want you to return to work until you see your doctor." Well that was both good and bad. It appeared I was fine for the moment but something HAD been wrong.

Finally I walked out of the ER. I got home and called my boss and told them what was going on. The next morning, I called my doc and they told me they couldn't get me in for 3 days but until then I was to stay home and relax. Great. Three days of doing nothing. This was not going to be fun or easy at all!

I am not a patient person. I don't deal well with WAITING.

The next three days were both boring and very stressful. I was really concerned about my 'episode', but seemed to be feeling OK. Still, I didn't want to take any chances, so I literally laid on the couch and did NOTHING for three days.

WAITING.

A lot of times with health issues the worst part is the waiting, and the not knowing.

WAITING.

I had a friend with cancer and he told me when it comes to dealing with the medical system, nothing moves quickly and you have to learn to live with endless WAITING.  My friend's cancer turned out to be terminal, but he lasted 13 years, beating everyone's expectations. Even his own. When the doctor finally told him that the cancer had started growing again and he should get his affairs in order, I asked him if he thought about dying a lot. He said it was on his mind when he woke up in the morning, and on his mind when he went to sleep at night, but the living was everything in between.

WAITING.

I was starting to understand that mindset. I had no idea what to do with myself, besides sit on the couch and worry and wait for the next three days. Welcome to age 40!

Change was coming my way...

WAITING.